By Dr. Lori Hart, Director of Educational Initiatives, Holmes Murphy Fraternal Practice
My son had a rough start to college this past summer. On July 1, he reported for duty to the United States Coast Guard Academy. I hugged hard and watched him march away to begin a career in the military.
The Rear Admiral Michael Johnson, the 43rd Superintendent, met with all the parents that day and I remember what he said:
- Less than 1% of Americans serve in the military. We place the safety of our country with less than 1% of the people. That is powerful.
- This summer will be the hardest summer of your child’s life.
- Week one, we will medically test them and some of them will be medically disqualified (meanwhile, I looked around the poor parents and wondered who it would be, because it wasn’t my child…).
- Weeks two, three and four we will introduce stress, we will ramp up the stress, we will then teach leadership and introduce perseverance under stress.
- Weeks four, five and six, we will work with them on the college transition.
- Write to your kids because you will have no other contact.
I am from a military family; I value people who serve our country, and I appreciated the transparency of Superintendent. Until day five, my phone rang. It was my son. He was medically disqualified for his eyes.
In the next 72 hours, he had to make adult decisions about his plan. The one question I asked him was, “What do you want to do with your life?” and without hesitation, he said, “I want to serve my country as a military officer.”
Prior to reporting to USCGA, he received some good coaching from an Army Officer who told him to hold on to his Army ROTC scholarship and not “hit no” on the button in case something happened. In doing his research, he quickly learned the eye and vision requirements differ between the U.S. Army, Coast Guard, and maritime academies due to the unique demands and standards of each service. And after a call with the Army ROTC Lieutenant Colonel, it was confirmed his eyes would work just fine for the Army.
How many parents get to watch their child get sworn in to two different military branches in the same year? The second time was during halftime at Neyland Stadium with 100,000 people watching, which was cool!
This past fall, he started talking about joining a fraternity and it was part of his weekly conversations. While I am not a helicopter parent, I also know the precarious balance of ROTC, a full scholarship and adding fraternity on top of that. In January, he joined a fraternity. The day he joined, my first email was to the chapter advisor. My second email was to a colleague at the national headquarters. What Coast Guard Rear Admiral Johnson reinforced for me is that we should all be willing to be transparent about expectations, and I wanted people to know my expectations of fraternity: to build relationships and safety.
My son had a few minor bumps; however, he was able to hold his power and speak up, and he is happy to be initiated. His new member experience was a positive one, but he expected that, the fraternity offered that, and a thirty-year Chapter Advisor supported and reinforced that. Within less than two weeks of being initiated, he is now Risk Chairman proving the apples doesn’t fall far from this tree!
WHAT IF….every time a new member class comes together that we ask our undergraduate leaders to take a nod from the Rear Admiral: the President and New Member Educator should stand up in front of the new members, members, and parents to walk through the process, to let the men know their initiation date, to detail what IS expected and what is NOT.
Transparency would serve us all well within our chapters and organizations because it requires leaders to be honest, to be truthful, to tell the new members joining what is expected of them and then the new members have the opportunity to live up to that expectation. I believe the chapters who practice this today – and there are many – experience brotherhood in ways other chapters do not. They retain members, dues are paid on time, events are safer and lifelong friends are made.
The next time I am working with a fraternity chapter, and they want to “fix” things, I am going to start with their ability to be transparent, and I hope you will, too. Transparent leadership cultivates a culture of openness, and mutual respect—which are foundational to an organization focused on safety and building healthy relationships.
You must be logged in to post a comment.